Things he says to my cat

Note: I was digging through my drafts this week and came across this beauty that I wrote last fall and didn’t publish. The guy it was written about is no longer a boyfriend (and his sinuses are rejoicing), but he’s still a good friend. (And I told him I was posting this).

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What do you get when pair a self-proclaimed cat lady with a funny guy who claimed he’d never date a girl who owns cats? As it turns out, some pretty hilarious conversations between the boy and the cat. I have one orange cat named Frank (@hello_imfrank on Instagram) who can’t stand to be out of my presence, one gray one named Mouse who’s happy hiding from everyone and one boyfriend who’s allergic to them both.

Don’t let him fool you, he actually likes Mouse. More than once, I’ve heard him call her “Pretty girl.” He feels less than love for Frank, though, and it’s made for some pretty funny interactions. Here are some of my favorites recently:

“Are cats just scared all the time? What’s the deal with cats?”

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Him: “Why’s he vibrating?”

Me: “He’s purring.”

Him: “Oh, I though he was getting a text.”

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Me: (Picks up Frank as guy opens the front door): “You want a cat?”

Him: “I don’t even want you to have a cat. Write that f***ing down.”

Me: “OK, I will.”

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“F*** you, Frank.”

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“If it were up to me you’d be in a glue factory… Actually I don’t think they make cats into glue… Oh, by all means get on my lap.”

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“You’re meowing at the one person who hates you the most, how stupid is that?”

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(Whispering) “I don’t like you.”

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“Hey Frank, I’ll give you a peanut if you tell me you’re allergic.”

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“I wish you were nicer… and a dog.”

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The plot

This year I’m learning to garden. A friend and I are sharing a plot in the neighborhood community garden. I’ve never grown anything, besides maybe the occasional flower in my parents’ flowerbed when I was younger, so this will be a new experience. 

By the way, what a neat idea community gardens are. I live in the middle of a city and might never own the property it would take to have my own yard and grow my own tomatoes or carrots there. But for a $30 annual fee I can rent a small plot to grow my own vegetables and I don’t ever have to mow grass. 

So far we’ve only started to weed the plot, but there’s a work day soon and I’m planning to add compost and soil in preparation to start growing. 

There’s something hopeful about a garden. Right now it’s empty, fertile ground, but with some seeds, a little care and time it will soon be bursting with life.  

We put plastic over the plot in an effort to kill the remaining weeds.