Something was missing from my life, so I bought a second pair of purple pants.
Category: One-liners
High heels
“Tax bill and high heels” : what I will title the memoir I’ll write when I’m inevitably forced to whore myself after paying the federal government its share of my income.
Torn
I’m torn. I want to wear my glasses because I like to see, but I know from nearly every movie I’ve seen that I won’t find love until I take them off.
OR 
Baby on board
I hate when cars have stickers that say “Caution: Baby on Board. “Oh, OK, I was totally going to ram you, but because you have a baby, I won’t.”
Motherhood
Every time I hear a grown woman say “pee pee” in public, it reaffirms my content at not yet being a mother.
For days
Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day, but give a girl a box of saltines and a jar of peanut butter and she will eat (over the sink. Why waste a plate?) for days.
A bike thought
Think of all the lives that could be saved if adult bicycle helmets were more attractive.
Will it blend?
I recently got a blender and it’s making grocery shopping easier. Now i just ask myself, “Will this blend?” By the way, who’s up for turkey sandwich smoothies later?
Broccoli, mama!
“Broccoli mama like a wagon wheel, broccoli mama any way you feel” – if Old Crow Medicine Show did a healthy-eating themed kids’ album.
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The divide
“Hey sports guys.” – how I recently addressed some colleagues of a year and a half because I wasn’t sure of their names. The invisible divide between news and sports is like a journalistic Berlin Wall.
