The other day, when I looked at my cat from across the room, she shot me a look so hateful I’m convinced she was judging me. Cats are so uppity sometimes, ammiright?! With their prissy walks the way they stand and stare blankly when you call them.

I have no way of knowing exactly what terrible thoughts her cat mind thinks about me everyday, but I can guess.

So here, in no special order, are some reasons my cat might be judging me on any given day:

• “Dinner” was saltine crackers with peanut butter. And I ate it over the sink.
• I haven’t done my dishes in so long there’s mold growing on one of my cereal bowls
• I liked Twilight so much that I’m re-reading it
• I’m dancing around my apartment to Ke$ha
• I kinda like Ke$ha’s new song
• That second (ok, third) cookie
• I didn’t finish “The Great Gatsby” before I watched the movie
• I slept in instead of going running (again)